Reading Shakespeare
by snowleaf
Summary: Momo is voted to play Romeo, with Kaidoh as his English coach. Oh dear, a plague o' both their houses indeed.


**Title**: Reading Shakespeare**  
Rating**: PG-13  
**Pairing**: MomoKai

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**Lesson 1.  
**

"It is East, and Juliet is the _thong_… OW!!"

"It's 'the _sun'_, idiot! Not '_thong'_!"

"You didn't have to hit me!"

"Then read it properly, and don't say 'thong' again."

Momo rubbed his head and glared at Kaidoh, who had for some reason turned slightly red. Now this was interesting…

"Ne, mamushi, what does 'thong' mean?"

"It doesn't mean anything. It's just a stupid word you made up because you can't read English properly."

Kaidoh looked at the script again, hoping Momo would let it drop. He knew this was a mistake the moment the class voted for Momo to take the role of Romeo (how could anyone be more unlike Romeo), and subsequently selected him to be the English pronunciation coach. "You see him the most after-school, Kaidoh-kun." The teacher explained softly, seeing his thunderstruck expression. "And I hear you've done this play before anyway." Kaidoh hissed and flushed hotly: that was in the first grade, when the (dratted) kids still thought he was a girl and made him play Juliet.

Not that Momo ever needed to know that; even if he is reciting Juliet's lines again in this rehearsal.

"Go on, repeat the line." Kaidoh ordered again.

"Seriously, what's 'thong'? Is it a verb, like, can you _do_ it?"

Kaidoh wanted to strangle him. Momo stared in fascination as Kaidoh's face heated up again, even redder than before, as he vainly hid his face behind the script. Screw Shakespeare, now Momo was _really_ curious.

"I told you, it's nothing!" Kaidoh half-shouted. "Stop side-tracking! We've still got half the play to go. Look, leave this line, read the next one."

But Momo had already crossed the room, fumbled around his bookshelf, and took out an English-Japanese dictionary that had clearly never been opened. The spine cracked as Momo flipped through it.

"Let's see here… _thong_… begins with T, right? T… T… h…"

It took all of Kaidoh's willpower and a spare thought for Momo's family who were in the next room that kept him from leaping on the idiot. He picked up an apple and chucked it at Momo, who caught it without glancing away and took a bite, mumbling an annoying "Phank yuu." Kaidoh hissed and defiantly looked down at the script again.

"Ah found it! _Thong_… A piece of female garment which…"

But then, most unexpectedly, Momo's voice fell silent. After a minute or two, Kaidoh chanced a glance upwards, only to find that Momo was barely five inches from his face and smirking widely.

"So _that's_ why you were so embarrassed, mamushi."

The damned bastard whispered. Whispered! Kaidoh felt his face burn where Momo's breaths flitted past. He pushed the idiot away, hissing loudly.

"Shut up!"

Momo was laughing and put the dictionary down, picking up the script with newfound interest. "'_And Juliet is the _thong' indeed… y'know, I reckon Shakespeare probably worded it that way to make it like a pun. I mean, it's so much more kinky for Juliet to be a thong than the sun. No wonder they say Shakespeare's a genius."

"Don't be daft, _'And Juliet is the thong'_ doesn't make any sense! How could a woman be a… a… _that_?"

"Oh, and I suppose a woman being a giant ball of burning gas makes much more sense instead?"

Kaidoh could almost hear Shakespeare turn in his grave; the idiot was completely butchering the English language.

"Romeo is comparing Juliet to the morning sun, not because she is literally like the sun, but to show how bright and radiant she is. And that she has brightened up his day way more than the sun ever could. He was not comparing her to a… a _thong_ because despite what you think, not every guy is a pervert like you."

Momo yawned. "Okay okay, I get it. God mamushi, no need to get your knickers in a twist." He paused, realised what he just said and sniggered. "Ah sorry sorry, I meant to say your _thongs_."

Kaidoh growled, and closed the script savagely, stuffing it into his bag. He didn't think he could take another look at Momo's face without hitting it.

"I'm going. Your stupidity has clearly reached such a level that it's beyond repair."

Momo was still howling to himself, apparently extremely proud and amused with the (lame) joke he'd made, and could barely wrap his mouth to form a "goodbye". He waved a sloppy farewell from the floor, making Kaidoh snort in disgust.

Ten minutes later, on the way home, just as Kaidoh was beginning to calm down, there was a text message from Momo.

'Oi mamushi, how did you know what 'thong' meant anyway? Closet pervert, I always knew it's not just bandanas you collected!'

There was a brief silence, or what could be called the silence before the storm; then the air was filled with hissing and colourful curses as Kaidoh punched in the numbers for Echizen's home. That was it: the final straw. He was going to get Echizen to teach the stupid bastard from hereon forth, even if it meant he'd be buying burgers for the rest of his life.

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**Author's Notes 25.08.2008**

Uhh… right, didn't really have a plot. I just read a fanfic where Momo and Kaidoh were arguing about a film and how the Kaidoh thinks the actor said "wrong" but Momo thinks he said "thong" and... well? The 'thong' bit just stuck to my head. And then my brain started reciting Shakespeare so… :D To write or not to write?!

I had another ending but I think I may like to make this into a series of little 'lessons' if I could, which will hopefully become more MomoKai-y as they progress.

Well, it depends on the reception. Hope you all enjoyed it :) It's been months since I last wrote.


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